Dear Xyla,

Help me. I’m think I’m being crazily jealous already of my boyfriend about almost… anything. I’m 24 and he’s 23. I find myself usually complaining about the time he spends a lot with his bestfriend and female colleagues. I get jealous about the fact that they get to travel around the country via plane (because of business trips— which last for a month!), then they get to check-in to luxurious hotels and utilize its amenities, go sports-adventure or just go to other nice places where I’ve never been to. I’m jealous that these things are supposed to be spent with me FIRST, but it seems like most of the “good times” were already spent with his bestfriend and female(!) colleagues leaving us with nothing new to experience, you know what I’m saying? I know it’s not entirely his fault for having these benefits but sometimes you know he also has a choice. I have confronted him about this but it only leads to disagreement and…fight.

I have no job right now and that is just making me a lot more depressed especially when he started comparing me to his female friend (his besfriend’s wife)— who doesn’t complain a bit about lack of time due to their trips.

My boyfriend has always been an amazing person, like I couldn’t thank God enough for having him in my life, but with his work, his bestfriend, his female colleagues, they’re adding so much drama to my life. Once I even got jealous when he went to spa (again with his collegues) since the therapist had to massage him half-naked. See, I know it’s insanely shallow, I get jealous in all the wrong places. I don’t know how to deal with it.

I don’t know if I’m expecting a lot from him. But whenever we fight over the phone, all I ever wanna hear from him is some ASSURANCE and comfort especially when I start crying. All I need to hear are his RIGHT WORDS. Is that too much to ask? But the worst part is that he does the other way around like just keep quiet which doesn’t help or solving anything. I have long tried to understand the environment of his work, his schedules, his priorities, but the long wait is making me insane already.

How do I deal with my deep (and shallow) jealousy Xyla? Especially when I don’t get to spend more time with my boyfriend, I can’t avoid being paranoid with his female colleagues and (not-so-good) influence his bestfriend has. I don’t trust them.

Thank you for reading up to here Xyla. You’ve already helped me a lot just by listening or rather reading my whinings :) Please don’t rush replying to this letter, I also know you have your own life to deal with and errands to run. I just think you’re the most positive person online I can share my problem with. :)

God bless,
Amanda

Dear Amanda,

I understand what you are trying to say for I have also been there. I was actually hesitant in giving you an advice because I might not give you the right advice because I am also a jealous and a paranoid girlfriend. Haha! But let’s see where my hands and my thoughts would lead me…

I’ve read somewhere that guys ages 20+ are in the stage of wanting to experience every fun that they could get. So there’s no way that we could stop them. Just support your boyfriend in every endeavor he takes. In my opinion and analysis, one thing that makes you more jealous is that he’s having a lot of fun in his life while you’re there bumming around, no offense meant. My mom once said that there are guys who want to see their girlfriends being productive because they feel more proud of their girlfriends. I was a total bum back then, and when I heard that from my mom, I was kind of pressured. Well, my boyfriend’s a bum now, so we’re the same (partly a bum now because I quit from my work). Haha! Anyway, why don’t you make yourself busy. Try new things. Be productive. This would help you lessen the jealousy and the “waiting” part. Don’t let your life revolve around his life. He’s not your world. You have your own life to live. You get what I mean? Because if you’re just focused on him, then every now and then you would just get jealous. Try to live your life to the fullest. :)

Even if it’s too hard, trust your boyfriend. Guys don’t like paranoid girls (I just hide it from my boyfriend but when I can’t take it anymore, I vent.) Don’t expect too much. Sometimes, our expectations hurt us, not them. Boys will always be boys. They’re not affectionate like us. Well, there are exceptions but most of them are not.

I hope you’re getting my point. Do something for yourself. Help yourself to conquer your jealousy. That’s what I am doing and it really works. :)

I hope this helped. :) Thanks for the compliment. Update me, okay? God bless!

Wishing you all the best,

Xyla