Irresponsible groupmates

Dear Ate Xyla,

This August, we are given numerous projects in every subject, most of which are done by groups.

My problem is that in every group I was assigned at, the members are irresponsible especially the leader. My friend, who coincidentally happens to be in almost every group I’m in, and I are the only ones doing the job. And sometimes, a single subject requires 2-3 projects which should be passed this week.

We let them try to cooperate but they won’t. The worst part is the leaders, though girls, doesn’t care anything about us. They don’t inform us what to do.

The worst problem is that I hate people that benefit from my hard work. But then, I have no choice. It’s either pride or grade.

Help me Ate Xyla. You’re the first person I knew that I could get help with my problems. What should I do so that my friend and I don’t have to suffer and work hard for our groupmates’ grades.

Yours truly,

Andrea

 Hello, Andrea! I’ve been there in your situation so I do understand how you feel. During my college days, I was the leader. What I did was talk to them and write them a letter about their laziness. I even told them that if they don’t cooperate, I have no choice but to exclude them from the members’ list. I was harsh, I know. But it did work.

In your case, I think you need to have an open forum. Tell them that the project is a group grade; it should be a group work then. If they still don’t want to cooperate, it’s either you tell your teacher/professor about it or keep mum about it. But really, I don’t think you should tolerate them because these type of people wouldn’t learn. They would just take advantage of you if you keep mum about it. You have to tell them in a nice way that what they are doing isn’t helping.

Good luck!

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Dear Ate Xy,

I am a first year high school student.  i think i have more than one problem and so I hope you can help me.

We had our orientations earlier this week. all the different teachers for the different subjects talked to our class. 

My first problem is that I am terribly afraid of our new PE teacher. She seems a bit strict. Which doesn’t help me since PE is not one of my best subjects. I am not the physical/sporty type of girl and I am scared that I might not be able to do the things we need to do for PE (like push-ups and such). I might end up embarrassing my self in the whole class.

Now, my second dilemma is that  ever since I was in first grade I was always the top of my class. My parents always expect me to excel. My whole family has always had high expectations for me. But now I’m not so sure if I can meet those expectations. Based on my first week, high school is a lot more different than elementary. More school work, more projects and more activities. I’m not sure I could do it all.

Oh, and can you please  give me some tips on how to draw. I’m not really good at drawing and most of our activities involve drawing. 

I need your advice ate Xyla and I would really appreciate it if you could help me out.

Yours truly,
Kath  

Hello Kath!

It’s normal to be terrified by your teacher sometimes but you have to overcome it by telling yourself “I can do this!” If you always think that you are not going to do any good in that subject, then it will not help you. You’re just making the situation worse because it’s like you’ve already accepted your defeat. Be positive. Always do your best. But remember, we can not please everybody. If she gives you a grade that you think you don’t deserve, then ask her why you receive that grade. If she gives you a credible reason, then accept it. Every now and then, we will encounter failures in life. And from these failures, we learn to stand up and do better things than before.

You are just in your first week and you already think that you can not do all those tasks. How about in the next few years? How about in college? All of us encounter difficulties in school. Only those optimistic people were able to manage it well. You have to believe in yourself. Like what I said, do your best. If you can’t meet their expectations, at least you did everything. That’s what matters most. Just learn how to manage your time well.

As for the drawing, practice makes perfect. I don’t know how to draw. Maybe you can search for it on Google or read books about drawing. :)

Dear Xyla,

I’m 24 and I don’t know if I’m over reacting since I’m jealous of my boyfriend’s female co-workers. I can guarantee my boyfriend’s faithfulness though, that he loves me and that he’ll never cheat on me, we’ve been together for 2 years and fortunately we really never had a problem when it comes to infidelity. 

The problem comes in where I just don’t approve of him being “too close” to the point of being “too comfortable” with regards to his personal space (ex. One time he carried/lift his female co-worker just because he missed her and found her cute like a kid)… yah however lame his excuse was and unnecessary thing to do, I know it was the truth though and I trust that the lifting gesture towards the girl was really harmless. He knows that I’m the jealous type and is always aware of his limitations especially around girls like no too touchy-feely, except only for this recent incident.

But now this being “too comfortable” thing lead me to another fear imagining things like what if some emotional attachment is suddenly created? He’s always at work so obviously, he always gets to spend more time with his team/co-workers (with a female majority). They say that people who are always together can most likely develop. I don’t want to entertain anymore thoughts because the mere fact that he can just be touchy with a female worker is a step closer for an emotional attachment. :(

I may be overreacting but I just think that displaying “intimate” affections with just anybody else is really inappropriate and unnecessary, since things like this should be reserved for two special private individuals. 

He has said sorry already though and promised never to that any kind of affection again. But oh well I still can’t get over the issue and jump into conclusions. =(

How do I handle this jealousy? I’m getting paranoid. I don’t know what to do..=( Thank you Xyla.

Love,
Kitchie

Hi Kitchie! I think you asked the wrong person. HAHA! I’m also a jealous girlfriend. I tend to get paranoid from time to time. And I’m not really sure if I could help you with this but this is what I did:

• Pray and ask God for strength and guidance
• Talk to the boyfriend and tell him how you feel about this situation. 
• Write him a letter
• Re-build your self-confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes, the reason why we get paranoid is because we lose the self-esteem that we used to have. We tend to overreact which sometimes causes us to create drama in our minds but the truth is there’s really is nothing going wrong. This jealousy then ruins the relationship. You need to tell yourself that everything is alright to keep you from getting jealous and paranoid.
• Be optimistic.
• Guard your heart. Prepare yourself.
• Do sweet things for him every now and then. He will definitely look for your lambing.

To: Jella

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Dear Ate Xyla,

12 years old lang po ako (too young right?)1st year highs chool lang po ako and varsity (soccer) po ako .Since 1st year high school na po ako mas mahigpit kaysa sa elementary,mas rumami po yung mga assignments and mas strict yung teachers.Nahihirapan pa po ako mag adjust tapos kasama pa po yung pagvavarsity ko na kailangan araw-araw may training.Sinabi ko sa Mom ko na gusto ko mag quit sa pag vavarsity kaya lang napagalitan lang ako , then lalo pa akong nahihirapan mag quit kasi my dad fully supports me sa pag-vavarsity ko , may binili pa nga ang Dad ko na shoes para sa soccer na hindi pa nagagamit tapos may clothes pa sa abroad (my dad is working abroad).Ang rami talaga palang assignments sa high-school!Gusto ko muna mag focus sa studies ko kaya lang nagi-guilty ako kasi nga my dad is working hard tapos sasayangin ko lang. Ano po yung gagawin ko ? -_-‘

 P.S Sorry po magulo yung sulat ko po dito :)

Love, Nadine

Hello Nadine! Few days after my first day in high school started, I was also pressured. I felt God was punishing me because of the assignments and stuff. Then I saw my classmates who were varsity players who felt pressured more. So yeah, I understand your situation. But look, my classmates were able to manage it.

For the mean time, I think you have to improve your time management skills. It’s only the first month and you already feel like quitting. You need to know what is wrong with your system. Maybe you can take that away so that you can handle studies and varsity team at the same time. 

There are students who are just lucky enough to get high grades while they play for their school. There are also students who just pass the subjects but don’t get remarkable grades because of being a part of the varsity team. The point is, again, time management.

What if you tried everything but it still won’t work?

If you aim to get high grades and you can’t handle varsity anymore, then go tell your parents that you want to focus more on your studies. BUT you have to prove them that you really are in focus to your studies by getting high grades because I really think they will expect a lot from you.

If you don’t aim to get high grades and you just want to focus on your studies, then just explain again.

Always remember, every student will encounter difficulties in his/her school life. Studying is not a piece of cake. When you enter college, expect more or expect the unexpected. What you need to do is to prove everyone that you are not a quitter. But if you really can not do it and you aren’t happy anymore, then don’t pretend. Don’t be shy to give up. There are reasons for everything.

Good luck!

Emails answered! :)

1 year ago - read more...

Dear Ate Xyla, 

galit ako sa mga taong nasa paligid ko. i really hope they would try to be considerate at times. especially now that school’s back. my best friend has found a guy and I don’t know where to put myself now. It’s also hard for me because the people she hangs out with now are all giving me creeps. what must I do?  :’(

Hello! Why are you mad at these people? Did they hurt your feelings? I think you should talk to your best friend about what you feel. It doesn’t mean naman na her life should be circled around you. She has her own life and her own choices. You can’t force her to be with you always but yun nga, inform her about what you think and feel. At least, she knows. Just do it in a nice way.

And as for you, try to explore. Try meeting new people. :)

Hi ate Xyla!,

I’m having a hard time communicating with boys. I have this friend and gusto kong maging close sa kanya. The thing is nahihiya ako whenever magkasama kami. I don’t get it pero may isang guy close friend ako na hindi ako nahihiya. And we can talk anything under the sun. Pero pag sa iba, nahihiya talaga ako. Hmm. What should I do? :)

Love,

shy girl. :)

Hello Shy girl!

You can’t force yourself to feel comfortable with a certain person. It just comes out naturally. The reason why you feel shy when you’re with him is because you haven’t found the comfort zone with him yet. You need to know him more. How? Initiate stories or topics that both of you will get interested to. I’m sure, tuloy tuloy na ang kwento niyan. :)

<3

Xyla

Being single

Dear Ate Xyle,

I was wondering if you could help me clear my head..er…heart? lol..ano kasi ate xyla…uh..it all starts out with me being single since the start of time. and now sophomore yr is over, Im still single, which isnt really a problem for me since Im not also allowed to have a relationship yet…but I just cant help having mixed feelings of envy/happiness when I see my friends start to pair up..or when they have that special someone…then I even have this bestfriend who no one expects to be interested in teh male species but now has 2(!) guys chasing after her….Any enlightening words?

Love,

inlove with the idea of love 

p.s. I hope I made sense >.<

There is nothing wrong in being single. I know how it feels like to be in love with the thought of being in love but you don’t have to rush things. Just because you don’t have a boyfriend right now, doesn’t mean you’re unpretty or a loser. Enjoy your life being single rather than feel doomed about it.

Just so you know, my boyfriend now is my first boyfriend and I met him when I was 22. See? You’re not alone. Maybe you haven’t met the right person yet. Maybe he’s there in your future waiting for you. :)